#PERSPECTIVES EPISODE 1: FLAWED AND F****ING FABULOUS
Updated: Jul 10, 2019
Air Date : 4th May 2019
What do you do when you have a life that's awesome on the surface but you still feel, hollow and unfulfilled? In this episode Sharon Pearson uncovers her raw and real story of where her personal-development journey all began and the steps she took to pull herself out of her hole.
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The Coddling of the American Mind - Book by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt
The Tipping Point – Malcom Gladwell
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Elysium ‘Glam’ Nguyen: It’s wonderful we got to do this. You look fabulous by the way
Elysium ‘Glam’ Nguyen: It’s wonderful we got to do this. You look fabulous by the way
Sharon Pearson: Thank you, I appreciate that very much
G: I think we're live. I just saw a thumb somewhere. We’re live!
SP: We are
SP: Thank you. Oh my God.
G: So welcome to the Perspectives podcast by Sharon Pearson. This podcast is brought to you by Ultimate You Quest, and if you haven't already. Go ahead and subscribe now on whichever platform you're connecting with us on and share with us your thoughts your feedback what you're loving what you're discovering in the reviews and the comments. My name's Elysium, Sharon and people call me Glam and I'm here with the absolutely amazing Sharon Pierce.
SP: Say your surname, your whole name please for the record
G: Elysium Nguyen. I know it's awful.
SP: It's lovely.
G: And I'm this tragic
SP: Your name almost is Princess it's fabulous.
G: Well I’m here with the absolutely amazing Sharon Pearson
SP: Thank you.
G: And she is an entrepreneur an author is speaker and a total super woman who has been on a journey of discovering that she too can be human and flawed and just fucking fabulous? Are we allowed to swear?
SP: We just did. Let's see what happens. We will.
G: And you've inspired so many other people women and men and you know all the wonderful colours in between and myself to know that and we can all be flawed and fucking fabulous at the same time.
SP: At the same time, it’s a requirement. You can't get rid of one or the other you’re stuck with both.
G: So Sharon it's so wonderful that we finally get to do that.
SP: We do after planning it for a year.
G: For years I know you've had so many people in the community who've been wanting this platform, this opportunity, this community, this way of coming together to share our perspectives.
SP: I'm hoping one day very soon we get to have a member of our community sitting there and we do this as completely unprepared unrehearsed. They asked me a question. It could be coaching mentoring whatever and any of the fields I have a view not necessarily expertise but I'll have a view. I get to bring bring the real to them in the way that seems to delight our close knit communities and really resonates. That's one of my hopes that we get to shake it up. What a podcast looks like? There's not just me interviewing people interviewing people but we get to get really down and in-depth about what it is for the human experience human frailty human strength human triumph human. All of it and get to maybe share some perspectives. Yeah it's picked up on the cameras beautiful shares and perspectives from what I've learned to what I'm experiencing or what I'm coaching around how that human experience can be lightened how they can be more wellbeing how we can experience a better quality of life maybe alleviate some of the drama and the pain we give to ourselves we don't know how to get out of the autumn automatic into living consciously which is obviously what a lot of our movements now about.
G: And it's a wonderful message in your book.
SP: Yeah yeah I've just been reading it we're sitting in if anyone's wondering where we are if you've got the audio I'll describe the scene we have a grand piano that's simply a prop there's nowhere I know what to do with it. Except complain about the dust and we're in the studio because I'm recording ultimate you for the United State or for the world release of the audible and the audio book.
G: I'm so looking forward to the book coming out. And if you want to get in on it and preorder it it's literally a transformational book. I think John Ashcroft said it was life changing so the link is included in the show notes for you.
It will all be in the show notes for you. If you didn't quite catch that. We've got a wonderful Ange say out there.
SP: Thank you.
G: Yeah. With her thumbs up, making a note of all of this for you. So I love what you mentioned before around creating that space for a conversation about the human faculties and the human experience and it feels like this less and less forum and places these days where people can be human. And I think that's one of the really wonderful missions behind perspectives and the kind of conversations we can get to have on perspectives
SP: I listen to a lot of podcasts and I am verging on alarmed about how many voices are being shut down or criticized if they don't toe the politically correct and by political weight. I mean the ideology of the times message I was in Sam Harris for example. Jordan Peterson a lot of those guys from the international intellectual dark web and it's interesting. I'm watching them be the pioneers of copping the criticism whilst they go bravely in the direction of their ideas and my ideas different to theirs. They're offering operating on a global level in terms of politics and culture and society and sociology and I love that. Mine's much more personal message. So I really appreciate the frames they create. But what I dig is getting into more of the nitty gritty with the individual and figuring out what what's making that person tick and what's causing them the pain or the drama or the discomfort or the disconnect. And how can what can we do to remove that? And it could be through any number of frames. But he is the thing that I'm finding there's less and less frames that are acceptable. So there's less and less frames that seem to be acceptable that don't get a criticism. So the frame has to have now certain qualities about in certain characteristics for it to pass muster and not get shamed or criticized or the worst found in a basic frame is this one of my favourite frames is to extend good faith to someone. So in philosophy there is a basic frame about good faith that whatever someone's doing even though it looks a little freaky or we could read it badly if we extend to them good faith and assume we didn't understand or there's more to understand or we need to see it a little differently. We will have a meeting of the minds we might not agree but at least we can trust that we're operating from good faith now.
That only works if the other person is also coming from good faith. So and in that space if both are coming from good faith anything is possible. The moment one person in this doesn't come from good faith in the message and the narrative gets manipulated and twisted into something it was never intended to be. And so I want to create a space where good faith is extended to anyone who's part of it that good faith is extended to our listeners good faith is extended to us doing this good faith is extended from our listeners to ask in good faith is it. And if we have that which we have in our community and when I build the business you know it was built on good faith. So the whole business began with me and Joe Pane a few years ago sitting down. It was done a little before that but it really took off and Joe and I hooked up we sat on the veranda knew nothing about business. But we did have a conversation about good faith before we knew it was a thing. And we said well I said if I have your back and you have my back will always be okay. But the moment one of us has our own back and doesn't have the back of the other. That means two people have that person's back and one person's left in the cold. And we've worked on that model as you know because I've had the same chat would I do the same show with everybody who's in the inner circle. Man if we ever look away or blink from good faith if we ever don't fight for the other person's right to express their right to explore the greatness is within them the potentials within them. If we don't fight for their right to misspeak and make mistakes and be klutzy and sound ridiculous if we don't fight for all of that and create a space for those completely safe we don't create space. There's no forum there is no discussion there is no room for bravery there's no room for vulnerability intimacy compassion courage expression learning it's all shut down. So the first rule of all discourse has to be come from good faith.
SP: And I see it being fought for in some wonderful podcasts I'm listening with connection with I read I'm reading this amazing book right now by Jonathan Haidt and another author [Greg Lukianoff]. We'll put this in the show notes saying the correct authors the coddling of America I'm reading and it's about this lack of extinction of good faith how there is an assumption of worst intent or I'm going to take the worst meaning of what you said. So I can feel victimized
G: and blow it up.
SP: And so I get a of my victimology and I get a short of my role that you're the perpetrator. And as long as you operate in a mould where someone's a victim such as the perpetrator is about power you've lost you've got gotta operate from the place that it's community and his discourse in good faith has to be. It's the fertilizer it's the water the sun it's everything. So that's what I'm shooting for and I can clearly overambitious with this and we could end up dive volume into the ocean. Well that was a bad idea. We're starting out with that parade.That's the flag we're waving
SP: This idea of good intent even where we misspeak or go too far because here's the thing. If you don't go too far with an idea you don't know far enough is how many years have I said that to our coaches?
SP: Sixteen years I've been saying they say oh I don't know I don't go too far I don't offend the client or I don't want the client to be known lot like me you don't know too far and so you've practiced going too far. So we're going to practice going too far in public. Whole other standard but unless you push the boundaries you don't know what the boundaries are until you hit the idea or the blind spot.
That's contrary to yours. Do you get what I'm saying? If I if I don't if I don't push the idea all the way out to so and say well hang on what about this or all the way out to you didn't see this or all the way out to. You've ignored this. I don't have a good idea. So the idea of a good idea becomes good when it's tested with contrary views. Yes because the country view teaches me to have a better idea or to give it up. So with the frame it becomes about everyone's got to kind of silently agree to that. Everyone's gonna sign up for it for anything public to work anymore. And all I see where I look. Which is why I avoid social media now is people not bringing that frame. Not everyone but there's enough bad intentions in there or not great intentions in there that it means some people don't have it had their backs covered, so that’s the first frame.
SP: The next frame I care about deeply is not so the little guy so much. It's the person who gets knocked down who stands with them. And you know it's one of my most dear precious cherished frames. A few months ago one of our students who's quite well known took out took a hammering in social media and I think I was one of the first people to publicly stand beside them. And I do that a lot privately as well sending messages saying if it's not going public hey if this goes public I'm sitting beside you because it is too it is too easy to be there for so long when the going's good. When the winning team's winning the crowds are full everyone's at the stadium but the team's losing suddenly you have fair weather supporters they turn up on a sunny day and the going's good they've got nothing else to do and maybe they'll pull out a win and they're the worst friends to have.
And I don't think any more people have enough true supporters and I want to create a community through this that's extended beyond the community we have where people can know that can be a reality for them that they can make a mistake and people still stand shoulder to shoulder with them.
SP: Now it's getting worse because I've noticed also in social media the person who stands with the person who's made the mistake is now getting cut down and then the person who stands with the person who's dead is of the person is now getting a swat. And so it goes as his domino effect of it's not we're not fight we. A lot of people don't seem to be they've forgotten to fight for the good things that make us better and they're fighting to prove and I'm about to get to them.
The just the thing that draws me the most nuts which is virtue signalling this they'd rather signal they're good in 10 how good a good person they are by tearing someone down then by share by showing good intent by sticking by people or by shutting up. What a concept?
G: I love that virtue signalling.
SP: You haven't heard that term?
G: No I’ve never heard that before?
SP: You need to be in my world. So virtue signalling is the latest phenomenon known as social media by latest is not the latest is doxing but the late one of lies virtue signalling where if someone does make some mistake or is accused of making a mistake you which you know of experienced people who then post anonymously or not bad things about them they shouldn't have done it. Someone should get them that's not okay. They are virtue signalling they're not changing anything. They're only sending this person into fits of tears and hurt and because lots of studies show feelings of rejection isolation the same as feelings of death or dying. So all they're doing is causing feelings of death in this person they're not adding any value except to bolster their own self-esteem. In a weird way isn't that weird? If I tear them down I get to show what a good person I am because I've seen the immorality of that even though they don't know the facts. So this environment is going to flip that we are going to make mistakes yes and we are going to expect and look for where people stand beside us and say you make your mistakes in public is kind of how you learn appreciate that you've apologized recognize your mistake didn't know you did it but now we're gone or did agree to disagree it wasn't a mistake. The environment needs to be with good faith and the extension of you're free to make mistakes in that environment because without it no one gets to learn because all I see going on with the virtue signalling and the shaming the doxing and the tearing down is people learning to hide their true views.
SP: Now I don't know what's more dangerous to you as someone from Vietnam vet from Vietnam. I can’t even say your surname, now I can’t even say your country. As someone from Vietnam who literally saw and you've told me about how no one can express their views and what it created and the environment created in homes and individuals and in communities and in schools you create. Are we really wanting a system where no one gets to speak their truth for the fear of what will happen if it doesn't comply with the ideology of the time?
SP: So I'm maybe too ambitious but we're shooting for an environment which is simply extension of the environment we've created The Coaching Institute and the Global Success Institute where you can make a mistake and thousands of people will soon stand shoulder to shoulder with you and saying it's okay we'll figure this out you're not alone.
Because to not be with someone at the time of trouble means you're not really with them.
G: Yeah. And like you said that creates an environment where people aren't truly connecting. They're hiding. They're hiding that they're hiding a mask.
SP: Yeah that's it.
G: One of the models that I love in your book is the concept of the uglies that you know that there is our core self as our truth. And then there's the uglies that you know we feel are has been shamed in us. And then the mask and or the Guardian that we develop. But before we go to that model I wanted to go back and
SP: We'll talk about that model in a podcast.
G: Yeah we'll talk about model in one day at a later episode exist so much to unpack within that there is every these days or we see a people's loss connecting with others other masks as opposed to genuine deep connection
SP: But how do you know when it's okay to take the mask off I'll come? No one gave me their rulebooks wrote the book. No one told me when it was okay to not be all in place and all together and that's something that I.
G: I'm dying to know and I know so many people who are listening to this would be loving to know as well is how did you go about creating that community in the first place?
SP: Taking my mask off. That's it. So I can’t remember when Facebook came about. Yeah I kind of regret Facebook being invented but I kinda I think mostly I regret it but part of me loves how it meant our community could access me and we could come together and it was my first building The Coaching Institute and then the Global Success Institute which became the bigger umbrella was just simply simply not simple a journey to me removing my mask and being as real raw fucked up in public as I was capable and courageous enough to be and they've been limits to that. So the school didn't do as well when I didn't feel courageous enough to be as open as I knew I could be but it was a catch 22 because I didn't have the greatest communities, this is going back many years now so I couldn't have done that because I would've been judged. I can remember moments where I was being raw real fucked in public in our community and I get pinged for it like live in the room. Some would say Are you sure you should be sharing that. Or I thought we'd be talking about this instead and just shot me as I like feedback. I haven't built the community or attracted the people who want this level of real so they're not going to recognize real as vulnerable as valuable and they're therefore not going to seek it for themselves. Therefore they're not going to be as true a coach as they can be because all true results in any type of therapeutic work and transformational work is based on the relationship we have with ourselves and our client. So if they weren't prepared to have a real relationship with me they weren't going to do it with the neighbours in next time they were sure as shit not gonna do it themselves or their client. So that caused a real questioning in me about who we were attracting. This is many users we've been on song for a fucking decade. It's amazing.
G: It's so hard to imagine that
SP: It was, it was a lot like it was a lot and I was getting these. Do you remember this JP, JP’s in the booth. When I come home? I can't believe it. I gave my all I was just out there and I got pinged or criticized or someone wants to quit or someone's making a scene as I what. Where am I going wrong where I know this is truth that helps and serves and helps them rock out people's worlds as coaches and it's not resonating so I had to really look within me and I think 2013 was the turning point? That was the most amazing year ever. Most horrible year ever but the most amazing year ever because that was the year. I literally had people condemning me every single day for 18 months -18 months of bad news and that's when I realized from within the community and outside I have to look to me. That wasn't easy and I would still like to deny that I had to look to me it would be so much easier. Oh my God. If I didn't have told to myself if I you just say it was them and part of it is because they didn't extend good intention. I know that but what did it say about me? What can I bring from what can I take it there's always what's the point of the year? What was the point of those animals if I didn't learn from it? Learn about me so that became the rule. That's when the journey really kicked off seven or eight six seven years ago when I said if this isn't how I love it what is in me that I need to love and here we are still answering that question? But I was just definitive that you is just if it was the me before and the me after I've had many of those moments I think of integrated moments like these six or seven times in my life I've been around twice as long as you so I can say that whatever you do with your youth.
But I learnt that the community is simply a reflection of my vulnerability. So that changed although it didn't change it radically. You were there but our marketing became much more embedded in softer messages. Do you think and it became truth more truth and let no hype you know? All the marketers who wanted us to hype that just they'd gone. Anyone who wants us to oversell which I don’t think we really did but it was a much deeper level of thought in the messaging and we got it right because that was simply an extension of who I am. Your marketing has literally you just paralleled my growth. I can see that. And so as I grew in that area and I'm still going in I'm not saying on there I'm really not. But as I grew in that area we attracted people who resonated with that from the beginning because they got it in the marketing they got it in the conversations they got it. Everywhere they turn every video of me. It's that level of real hopefully I'm being as real as I can be. And you the like that you shouldn't fuckin join which makes it really easy and but they do. They love it and they queuing to join in because of that we now get to be even deeper and more on message with the importance of vulnerability and importance of personal truth the importance of emotional intimacy without apology without self-consciousness without any risk of shame. And that's what this is in the intention of this is to magnify that to people who perhaps haven't joined us or haven't didn't know about us. This is what we're doing every day in the community yes. And we just want to broadcast that and say hey if you're feeling any of these things any of this disconnect we should chat and you probably should sit there and we'll have a chat about it.
G: I love because I feel like we're this beautiful that our community is just this beautiful diamond that just needs you know more people need to know that yeah every day we will go into one of our Facebook group Members of the Coaching Institute or Professional Coach or Ultimate You Quest and they'll be people sharing vulnerabilities and being championed notable sharing mistakes.
And now we have all the time coaches will say I've just ran my first workshop and you know I think I did this part really well. I totally effed up that part.
SP: Yep. I had 3 people, I thought I was going to have 30 of you did it. You did your first. And then they did the second one. This is Guy we're in so soon I feel he started with one person in the audience and now he travels around everywhere around the world delivering to trainings he's won awards for it. But I remember his first post I think I had one person the audience.
SP: And it all started from being to share that with us.
SP: And then we worked with him.
G: So and know that they're not alone.
SP: Never. No time. And I think that's a big part of it. Glam I think if there was another theme it's what ever we're afraid of. Whatever we feel is holding us back. We hide it. A lot of people hide it because they're ashamed of it but they're not alone. Everyone's doing the same stuff. Everyone's doing the same stuff. Let's just put it right out there right now. Everyone's feeling it. They're just coping with it to different levels and the amount they can cope with it is literally equal to how how little shame they feel around it. So the more shame they feel around it the less they can cope. So I just want to sweep it up the other direction so people can know realize they can't go. They can handle what's happening they are worthy enough they are lovable only when they get rid of the major stressor in their lives which is them linking shame and needing to hide from their feelings and not being out to cope. And the less they have the shame the more they can cope the more they can. And that's a whole journey there's like 12 conversations right. Just a tip is this dial down the thermostat out of the red zone.
SP: Into just managing this perfectly in the nuclear blast is it going to happen. That's the goal.
G: And we see that conversation and that growth happening in in real life in the Ultimate You Quest group.
G: So cause for anyone who doesn’t know Ultimate You Quest is just this incredible 12 month journey. I'll talk week journey into learning how to do that. How do you kind of peel away the layers and let your truth come out?
SP: And like it.
G: And like it. And not feel shame and I get judged and because we literally we can see you have somebody who would pose at first and they're kind of toes in the water and they
SP: Level 1?
G: Yeah. Week one. The first challenge and they'll say you know I've never done this before. So what do people say that I've never shared this with anyone
SP: And to do it on a Facebook group with thousands of people.
G: And they'll say I'm scared shitless clicking this and they'll say
SP: I edited it, I edited it for day!
SP: I didn't post it. I wasn't there another poster.
SP: And I finally clicked it. And then you just tell this guy staring at the screen wondering what's going to be worrying what's going to be said about them in their post.
G: Yeah. And it's just.
G: And they just love it, within a minute it's OK. You're not alone. Keep going. You're doing great.
SP: You did it. You did your first step out of the shadows Shame Love shadows. You into the light. And so it began.
G: Ultimate You Quest. Absolutely amazing, an incredible journey. So if you love to learn more about what we're just talking about here and maybe connected the group and connect with some of the members and see what it is that what it is that we're talking about the way that we're sharing and I know at least someone others thinking this real.
G: That can't actually exist but it does. So the late you need to just go check it out. Even just approved your as our business real and it's possible it's www.ultimateyouquest.com
And I know you run an amazing telecast.
SP: Good on you for knowing all the links – I pulled up and got dressed, that’s my entire involvement in this production! I pulled that off
G: Can I just say you did that extremely well.
SP: I pulled that off. Yes you did everything else but I did that. Thank you.
G: So you love to see more share and more of this conversation and more of her just seeing this happen in real life and see this commune in action it's www.ultimateyouquest.com and there's a wonderful telecast. It's a global telecoms it's got people from all over the world is joining in who's doing this is championing each other who's sharing messages and feeling fear and trepidation as they do it and then for the pulling for many people for the first time in their life realized that the other side sometimes it doesn't it's not always judgement it's always there is a safe place to fall there's a safe place to land yeah
SP: And all of that will be in the show for you as well you.
G: And now Sharon I know we've covered so much on the personal journey
SP: Well that's what I'm dreaming for. I'm shooting for the stars here Glam.
SP: Going for the stars with those frames.
SP: Sharing models within those frames that we can expect that this community brings those frames loves those frames honours each of us within that frame.
SP: Then anything's possible.
SP: And only in that place is anything possible.
SP: That's it. That's what it takes a minimum standard.
G: Mm hmm. And what I love about those frames is the fact that it's not only at the individual level.
G: You can see and you've done this you've applied successfully and helped so many businesses and leaders and people to apply it to their team to apply to their professional life to then apply it to a business to then apply it to you on a global scale. A community of people a growing business a massive team. So how does it how does it play out in those arenas badly?
SP: Badly, hit and miss. It is the most exhausting but worthwhile journey on the outside you can have the internal journey so important that's paramount. The external journey that matters is trading for people for ourselves places where these frames are true. Without question they're not questioned. To get people who even see those frames as potential truth hard really tough. You see it at yeah in the business everyday. Not every everyday but people who know these frames who have lived by them then suddenly don't they just drop the standards pretend it never existed it was never that great? And I know what happens. They just walk away from it and they become part of the other. And I find that mystifying. So it is tough to build the businesses I've built and to hold true to those frames every day. Glam I don't fucking feel like it every day. Sometimes I don't want to keep extending good faith in the space of pretty shitty behaviour.
I actually want to be down with them going at shit to me but you just can't man I was saying to JP this morning. I think it was JP this morning on the way in. Yeah I was. It's sixteen years so far. Because people look at the business I have in the success and so are you so lucky. Yeah. Let me talk about luck. Yes I've had luck but it is the consistent every single day of maintaining these frames in the space of not ignorance but indifference and cut and challenge. There are people who reject it who actively reject a message that a frame of good intention for others or frame of a mistake is okay in this space. They reject it they will come after it.
They will act like it's the enemy. And I see this every day.
So I am really fortunate that I've created a bubble world for myself as you know I always created the business to be in “Shazzaland”. So yeah it could be the way I wanted because I got tired of dealing with this. So as much as possible we keep extending the bubble to have these frames. To have it from a leadership perspective is to. I would say much tougher than having on a in personal relationships. Yes because in personal relationships you… When I was working in the business I see everybody all day everyday for longer than I'd ever see my friends. So it's easier with friends. Good intention you can have a conversation about it.
Do you know what I mean yeah. This is stuff that you just talk about. But in business you've got to maintain productivity effectiveness. Paying the salary getting the job done winning this thing called marketing all that's got to happen and maintain the frame in a space of not everybody giving a shit about the frame with enough people either in the business if you've done poorly with hiring or training or recruitment or whatever and plenty outside the business who actually will use that against you.
SP: To get you and I just find it exhausting. I really do. So I keep trying to make the bubble bigger. Like somehow I'm eventually going to hit a critical mass this tipping point that Gladwell talks about. And you've done that 10000 hours and it's gone. Everyone's going to see it this way and I this idealistic bullshit fantasy in my head is delusion that if enough people heard about it they'd be won over and we'd have a better place on this earth. But it doesn't happen. In fact it's gone the other way and it's getting harder and it's getting worse. This message is a tough sell.
G: It is.
SP: It is a tough sell. It is much easier to sell what's in it for me. How am I going to get me in mine? How do I get you if that helps me? How can I win against you?