#PERSPECTIVES | How to Align Your Habits With Your Goals
If you’re curious about learning the best strategies for aligning your habits with your goals so you can begin living the life you want, then this episode is for you. Sharon dives into how she utilises strategies to move her closer to living an awesome life. The self-awareness, pattern recognition, the trial and error and healthy habits she continues to establish and re-establish, helps her to create her ideal average day where she feels fulfilled, love, joy and calm. If this is something that you want to create in your own life click play, take notes and lets go on this wonderful journey together.
Ultimate You Book – Pre-Order Link - www.ultimateyouquest.com/book
Ultimate You Quest Telecast - www.ultimateyouquest.com
Upcoming Events at The Coaching Institute - www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au/trainings
Sharon’s New Website - www.sharonpearson.com
Disruptive Leadership- https://www.disruptiveleading.com/
Phone The Coaching Institute - 1800 094 927
The Coaching Institute Fan Page – https://www.facebook.com/BecomeALifeCoach
Feedback/Reviews/Suggest a top to be discussed - email@example.com
Perspectives Youtube Channel – https://www.tci.rocks/youtube
EXCLUSIVE PERSPECTIVES PODCAST BONUSES
Pre-Order 1 Copy of Sharon Pearson's NEW book 'Ultimate You' & Receive:
BONUS: Ultimate You Complete Audio-book Narrated by Sharon Pearson (valued at $29.95)
BONUS: Ultimate You 12 Companion Workbooks with Brand New Models (valued at $49.95)
BONUS: Ultimate You Behind-the-Scenes Journey with Exclusive Interviews, Sneak Peeks, Live Footage, Early Bird Releases and More... (valued at $197)
EXCLUSIVE: First Access to Interviews with Sharon on a Brand New Chapter of the Ultimate You Book Each Month (valued at $297)
EXCLUSIVE: Instant Access to the First Chapter of the Ultimate You Book PLUS a Signed Copy of the Ultimate You Book
Elysium “Glam” Nguyen: I’m here with the absolutely amazing Sharon Pearson.
Sharon Pearson: How are you Glam.
E: Very very good thank you. We are in the perspective podcast as brought to you with You Quest. And we're going to continue a wonderful conversation we started from the last episode.
E: Part two on how to create stability in your life and bring that… Sense of knowing that you can handle it. You've got this and I know we started with a wonderful conversation around. The self-awareness. To bring to that what is actually mean when we got to unpack all different colors and modes and layers of it. And I’d love to open to start this, with I know one thing that you’re phenomenal at with the strategies that you bring, to having that self-awareness and what strategies do we have in place to move us closer towards living our awesome lives. So, share us your thoughts on that.
S: Thoughts. Well as I'm hearing you speaking I'm putting in place okay. What you're saying fits into that strategy that fits into it. I'm just coding at all people we please to your I don't do them regular conversation but when I'm working I'm hearing everything through code. So how is that useful so let's keep our eye on the target. Target is. Less drama. More functional. More loving and compassionate relationships. Emotional intimacy a sense that I can handle it. Well. So what does that take. We've done a whole conversation on self-awareness. Why did we do that. Because I can't talk about what to do if we don't know what to bring in terms of ourselves. Because anything I say now is. Gonna be useless. If if the person hearing it doesn't shift their mindset around how they're showing up. So we had to reverse engineer to there. And then once we get to their Will where do we need to go now and it's going to be a conversation about strategies and the recognition that as much as there is luck in life and there is. There is good like there's bad luck. Good things happen to bad people vice versa. Every combo is occurring within the flux of what's going to be happening. There's us doing our best to navigate. And our best is determined by how good a strategy we use. That's it. We we get to any level of game be it a. Not even a contender in the finals to bronze medalist silver medalist gold medalist world champion based on in any field. How effective are the strategies we have access to given the limits of ability. Yeah I'm apparently never going to be an opera singer. Hard to take I know are really. I'm sorry to hear that. So as I get as I move through my life I keep saying to my husband who has another career I won't be doing because I don't have access to my first year I don't have talent and potential but I just don't access that strategy. But the things I care about. That I really want to master man I've got to get the best strategies possible said to me. Given the flux of life. My potential ability and the limit to that. And there are lots of forces I can't control and influence but within the little narrow window that is me and I can't control influence I better get the best. Strategy There is. And I better be willing to upgrade it which is why the previous conversation had to happen because if my ego is in the way I'm just going to run with my strategy. None of none is going to be heard. So yeah I'm doing the best. Okay. Let's look at that. Are you doing your best. Are you getting the outcome. You say you want to get. Because you're getting what you want. But if it's not the outcome you say you want to get. Man, you're not using the best strategy. So are you doing your best. You're doing your best in this moment. But could you upgrade and stop being. In the pool of the best in that area be what. What would it be for me. I care about my relationship with myself. I am hunting for the best strategies for how to have. Habits. My inside. Feels just as amazing as I know my outside is. That's. A huge number of strategies I'm learning. I'm implementing I'm rejecting I'm trying on. Failing at making myself enjoying exploring love it all. So there's that. Then there's relationship. Relationships and people who are closest to me. Then there's I need. I love the idea of functioning well in the world and everything not being a drama and just being a. Swim around the world. You navigate conversations with strangers and navigate situations I'm unfamiliar with without it being a thing. Without me bringing a lot of self-consciousness or uncomfortableness or intimidation or whatever other crap I used to have going on. So I need strategies for that. I love to be wealthy. So I'm learning in always upgrading my strategies around wealth creation. This business and entrepreneurship and sales and leadership and so go. So wherever I want to experience. Functionality stability. Predictability I want to be to predict the results to some extent given the flux that's going on in the messiness of humans. I want to have a sense that I've got some say in the game that it's not just happening to me but happening through me and with me. You know I want that. Well then I better have a good strategy. So we're. That's where self-awareness comes in. Because wherever I look in my life. And it isn't that. I've got to be at to bring me to and and so how much of that is me. And the more it's made the better it's gonna be. Do you get that. Yeah. Because the more it's me the more I can change. Yeah. Yeah. I'm powerless. I think it ain't me. It's yeah I've got. I find that just so frustrating and I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. I think I'm bringing me to it I. I'm willing to change. But I still don't. We're not getting the results. I feel powerless right now. I find that really frustrating. I know that about me. So for me I'm going to get excited where there is a bit of groove for me. So then it's about okay. Well what is it in there that I can change shape influence impact adapt. Let go of. Learned to tolerate whatever it is. And they are the strategies. Yeah that's where it's at. And the clearer I can see myself in it and wherever I'm not getting the target. Whatever it is. The clearer I know I can learn what needs to go there. Yeah. So. Yesterday for example it was just such a wonderful feeling of clarity and joy. JP My husband came home. I can probably stop saying he's my husband. I think people know that. JP came home. Is it. I said How was your day. He described it. He described some of the events of the day. How was your day by day. Was flat out as well. Oh yeah. What were you doing. I experienced joy. I was flat out feeling love. I was flat out feeling challenged. I was run off my. I did it deliberately just having so much fun and playfulness with my ideal day. It wasn't the experiences it is but it's how I related to them. And that's been a dream of mine Glam. For as long as I've known that that could be a dream of mine. So I described my day through my I am flat out feeling love compassion joy challenge flat out playfulness could not be busier I couldn't fit in another inch of joy into my day and that's how I described my day and that's how we described today. Which is still going on wonderful. So that's the strategy. Yeah that didn't just happen. Because you're 16 years ago when I was suicidal I thought I'll just describe my day through cheerful terms that is not what freakin happened. So I've spent years and that's where I come back to how easy do you want wonderful to be. Yeah yeah. How easy does it have to be for you for you to give it a go. Because I'm not describing what's been easy.
E: So. How do you how do you go about finding the strategies. What's your criteria around knowing that’s it a great strategy or it’s good.
S: My favorite question ever! Love it! It's one of my favorite questions I have a number anyway, you probably never even ask them yet but they'll be my favourites when we get to that. So one of my favorite things in the world. Is getting to a place where I don't know. But knowing somewhere in the world there is the answer. Yeah I love that place. I live for it. I light up around it. And if you can train.. If anyone can train their to light about light up about anything. It should be that.
S:Because then you're going to be the seeker of the truth of accuracy. So. That's a great example. Like yesterday when I described my day. Well how did I get to that. Well years ago when I realized I was describing my day through conversations I had the literal busyness flat out with appointments I was on the phone all day or whatever. I didn't feel joy. What's my target I want to feel joy. What am I going for hit the bull's eye for me is a joy. I feel high saying bull's eye but you know what I'm saying. Like where am I trying to hit you. What does it want to experience. I want to feel blah. So Will how do I get to that. And I know it sounds so easy now so you just. But I didn't have access to that. So I went and studied. And I didn't know what to study so I studied some bad stuff some in different stuff some stuff that didn't work for me. And amongst it the occasional Jewel and I'd try it on for a little while. Like a quarter 90 days. And then I'd. Assess. My describing my day the way I want not not yet dive back in and I will do that. Eight or nine 10 times I'll go outside of me. You know people would say know I point out a challenge this all have to think about that well you can't. Tell me you got to think about it because you're going to bring thinking about it that got us here. Yeah. So basically you're saying it is going gonna bring the same problem tomorrow. No. No that's not okay. In business I get to say that it's wonderful. I know we're not going to just go out and think about things the same way we thought about yes that we have to upgrade the software. So I go away and I study and I love reading books. I can't believe podcasts exist. I think they're just the fastest way to download wisdom ever. I download books. I will do a course. I'm. Just the seeker of. Accuracy around it. Until then I try it on. Still not the same. Try it on and I just keep adapting adapting adapting until I run the strategy that gives me the outcome I wanted in the beginning and then is about it becoming habitual. So I just rehearse it every day I'm just rehearsing describing my day through elements of emotionality rather than elements of things I did. I avoid answering the question now quite a lot. What are you up to today. So my answer tends to be I'm up to feel out today I'm up to feeling a lot of joy and I'm not feeling a lot of challenge but I'm not going to pin myself down to how that's going to unfold or where it's going to appear and I certainly don't describe it any more through appointments doesn't do it for me. Maybe it does if you or whatever does it for you. So until I can have the experience the way I dream it can be. I keep learning and updating and adapting my strategy and then it's just about test to measure test to measure. Literally I'm testing and measuring the feelings I'm having the emotions I'm having the experiences I'm having the relationships I'm having. Is this the emotional intimacy we said we wanted. If it's not we have something to learn. Either you learn or Learn. But one of us or both of us has to get learning because until we can bring you firewood to the campfire. It's diminishing. Because us just breathing more of the same hot air on it isn't building the fire. And so are you making me not making me feel warm so we've got to change so strategies to me is adventure.
S: Oh I just as light up to me as is the most wonderful adventure. I wonder what the answer is I don't know. I want to read it's going to take me I don't know. I wonder if that's gonna work for me. Well that didn't work. I'll do something else and just the key to this and I probably should have included it in the previous episode we did on this part one was the key is adaptability. You know how rigid we are is how little we were hear what I just said. And how adaptable we are is how much we will embrace or have already embraced what I just said. Because I know I have taught that same principle. To people in our programs now for nearly 20 years. And I know some people hear it and say I've heard you say that before. So what. How you doing with it. And I know some people here in going and this is how I've applied it and this is what I've changed. This is what I've learned but unless we're willing to be incredibly adaptable and we need to a whole episode on emotional health. Because emotional health is adaptability it's recognition. This strategy we're doing this isn't working. Where can I adapt to help improve the emotional health of this. And you'll be thinking where can I adapt to improve the emotional health of this. And I know you and I have done that.
S: Either consciously out loud to each other or privately we've gone away and we've come a come together with a better version of us. And we've done that over and iteration after iteration after iteration until there's a level of blunt truth between us that we both can count on. Yes but in the beginning we didn't have that. Now we got here by chance. By good fortune by desire and then by willingness. There were a lot of factors over the years to get us to that but that has taken both of us going away. Not just me and not just you and figure out well what part of that can I contribute in a different way. And sometimes is what part you think I can contribute and what part I think you contribute and being open about that and adaptable around that. And we were never. As far as I remember ever defensive about it. I don't ever recall. I don't recall defenses around it. We just got on with it from the day we met. It's been like that and I know that's a rare thing what I'm describing. I do appreciate everyone's here in this thing who I've got that but that's what it's taken that adaptability and there are plenty of people at where we are. In this case the coaching institute and global success institute these people I can't have that within you can't have that with. Because the strategy isn't gonna be updated because they're not adaptable they are rigid in their thinking rigid in their approach rigid in their expectation of a relationship is quite a low expectation. So don't put your effort in just so it's not worth the effort and you know that. So that this not just relationships it's everything we're doing. It's health it's wealth it's. How we feel about our day it's the living environment we create it's what we're willing to tolerate. They're all strategies. So to me every single day my attitude is every strategy is up for grabs and probably wrong thinking.
S: That's managers. I'm probably always open yourself up to you always… always. All the time in the last two days I've listened to four and a half hours of podcasts. Ideas on relationships ideas on business. They will talk for fifty five minutes to two hours. I might have got three ideas would have been a minute and a half of stuff. I'm ready to hear in a way that relates to me and I've updated my strategies or I haven't yet because I don't know how I'm going to go away and do some study. That to me is joy and it means I'm always going to be expanding and not diminishing it means I'm always gonna be able to say honestly yeah I'm bringing my best self. This is my best effort. I have read the books I have had the conversations I have attempted the mentoring good or bad I have you know I've brought all of me an attempt to think differently about this. Tell me what I'm still not seeing because I'm doing my best. Upgrade the strategy. Yeah so that's. That's the importance of adaptability in strategies and how we show up to them but also the importance of actually getting a decent strategy. And again do you want to be a player on the in the audience player in the field. Bronze silver gold and I use as a measurement. Everyone you know a lot of people say oh it's not a comparison gold for yourself in comparison to you yesterday. Yeah I'm not talking about how you beat someone else and who and how you’re bettering you.
E: Yes. And it goes back to the question of issues in part one is that it's not working for you. Try something different.
S: Why are you defending it?
E: Why are we defending?
S: What are you defending right now. It's not working. This is not working. You're still arguing for what exactly what exactly and this was said to my clients. What exactly are you fighting for right now. And it's a status quo it's rigidity it's this toxic insecurity it's that it's the toxicity that is the the failing that's the failing in the system. And the moment we have that toxicity and that rigidity defense mechanisms firing and everything we said about cognitive dissonance fires in and the ego clicks in and clarity is lost. No hope excepting what I'm talking about there's no access to a new strategy because they're too busy in their heads arguing with themselves about how that's not right no one's got the right you can't say that that's not fair. Okay we're done.
E: And then the tape runs
S: And that's it. We're on automatic. Yeah. Let the snowball go down the hill. Let it inevitably just bowl into everything because this new is no longer available.
E: Yeah. And what's brilliant about the way that you play charges is that you then turn it into patterns. You create new because it's not simply that find strategies that works, then it's not studying a life for the sake of it either. You apply it to put into action it becomes a habit becomes a pattern. And then there's that Check of. Well is it working for me. Yeah. How do I get this working for me so tell me a bit more about that. How do you go about finding the patterns turn them into that.
S: Well I don't I'm sure I'm missing most of them but you I'm human and that means a messy and that's part of humanity but pattern recognition to me is wisdom. So wisdom is understanding what works.
S: That's wisdom. And if you accept that definition of wisdom that it's understanding what works then. But by default you become a seeker of strategies that work and recognize it. Well how do you recognize what works what gets the outcome. It achieves the outcome the desired outcome. That's a good thing I would say another criteria is it does it in a way that's fairly graceful. As in everybody in the day doesn't feel like killing each other. We've been through this when we go through tough times. I say we're going to get through it.
S: We will. It's just whether or not we're going to be graceful and still enjoy each other at the end of it. And to do that we're going to have to live our values. So strategies and pattern recognition. It's not just it achieved it. And you got the goal. It's you did it in such a way that you feel within you. That you were your best self. Living your values and those around you got to do the same thing. So you didn't step all over somebodies needs. You didn't disrespect somebodies boundaries. For example in business there are situations where everybody's under the pump. And a deadline's gotta be achieved. And we've got to achieve this outcome. And it's measurable and it's down to the wire. And in those moments when it's could be a high stress people who aren't necessarily going for the graceful arrival could say things that are offensive could upset someone could be in different someone's feelings. Of course that person needs to stop worrying about their feelings so much because we're in a situation do you know what I mean? All of these different competing demands. Graceful arrival is aware of that. And more than one person. And I know you know this more than one person has to be onto it. It's not enough just me as the owner of the company saying we're going for graceful arrival and a first fast followers who are fighting for the same shit and that way we get to the end of it. We say well how did we go. We achieved the target. Yes it's good. We were we were going to hit the target. How do we go. I learned a lot. That's great but how did we go. Well we lived our values or we didn't. Live our values or. You know it was good some of the time but too much of the time I didn't feel valued enough or. I made it about me way too much. Now that is a pattern with recognizing.
E: Yeah. Completely. And I know one of the great things is you can see it play out in the team where they have where they haven't had and they have those values. It's one of things that let them up to be able to. Aspire to those values and see that play out and be able to. Live it. Create environment where that support in every everyone and that we come together and we do raise our standards up to those.
S: And then it comes about well who do you hire who will edify that message. Because everybody loves what I just said no one loves what you just said and you're almost to be a part of that but you can't be part of it. You've got to contribute to building it to it. It's a graceful arrival because we you bring that because the company isn't a culture. The company is you and me and people in it. So do you. Do you like it around here. No. Well that's you. Yes. What are you not helping to shape this to make it the way you want. So if wisdom is understanding and recognizing what works pattern recognition is the beginnings of wisdom. And you can use it in business so we just have you can do it for marketing campaign obviously but you can do it more closer to home. You can do it in relationships. You can see the patterns. Well this keeps happening. How are we doing that. Why do we keep ending up here. What's going on and how curious we are about answering that question is going to determine whether or not things shift if any one person's curious you can screwed because then you're doing as I call it all the heavy lifting as well. Their relationship is by definition Well the one. So both physical to lift the log I go said Who's lifting a log. If I've got my hands full or we need to share. It's not the nicest metaphor but it works for me. And then. So it's how curious away about recognizing the pattern and figuring out the strategies we're running to get there and then we go right back to the previous episode self-awareness. How much of me can I see in this. How much can I see accurately. And is my eye on the target or is my eye on a different target. That's going to subvert this so-called progress. And that takes coming back to it maybe again again coming back to it messily but you know what I think the key is it's being willing to come back to it. Now I'm getting really clear these days that it not said is bullshit. It not said is the rot setting in. There is no point in suppressing it denying ignoring or pretending to do with it later or it's not that big a deal. If it's a big deal to someone it is a big deal and it needs to be dealt with as accurately as possible. And I want anyone hearing this saying all feelings don't have a place. I'm not saying that but if the pattern is for example the pattern could be for someone that they get overwhelmed and dramatic. And say inappropriate things no matter what going on whenever they feel pressure. They the constant. That's the pattern. Their ability to see that pattern is a game changer.
S: Now I've already seen the pattern.
S: So I'm acting accordingly. Which is. I'm. Not engaging as much so that persons now are upset because I'm not engaging as much because they're just addicted to that pattern. Is it my job to tell them the pattern. No because they're an emotional reactivity. And I'm here to fix anyone. What can I manage my patent. Yes. Me. How I show up. And. How I willing to say hey that's a boundary violation. Am I willing to say hey that's that's not okay around me. Am I willing to let it go through to the keeper. Maybe not have that conversation for today. So there's patterns in me. I can take care of depending on how accurate I can be with me. And I still have feelings around it. I'm still feeling emotionally charged. I'm still. You know I've just been visiting in Perth on my back and my dad's been sick again and I can feel the emotional charge around that takes me a couple of days to recover. I know it does. But I can see in me and my husband sees me accurately the emotional toll it's taking. That's a pattern recognition. So what am I doing about that and am I being careful how I communicate with people because of that and I am and am I making sure I'm nurturing and putting some self care so I can appropriately demonstrate to myself. I'm back to equilibrium rather than just emotion and going off the handle. So feelings have a place but they have a place they have a place. But let's be clear there is appropriateness and part of pattern recognition is recognizing. Is this emotion appropriate to the place the context the time and the person. And if it doesn't meet those four criteria there is a place for that emotion and it is probably not. Now if it doesn't meet those four criteria pattern recognition if we call it wisdom it's the beginnings to recognizing beyond our immediate desire to react. It's the beginnings of getting beyond me feeling reacting into how is this playing out. Over and over again. What are the constants album me and then going outside like it did in the first step and learning well how can I impact and change this pattern. You can do the same with real estate investing. You can apply this to decision making. You can apply this to lifestyle choices to quality of relationships to wealth creation to business leadership marketing sales everything is pattern recognition. And the. Better we get to the patterns and knowing what to do with them. When we recognize them which is another conversation the more we feel stable. less drama. The. More compassionate. More that we can handle it. It's an illusion to think we have control. But more than we can handle what's going to come along. And then of course the pattern doesn't follow. But we're okay. Okay I've got a new pattern to learn. Yeah. And so it goes and it becomes more about Okay what is this. Am I recognizing rather than I can't let that happen. And just stopping the learning. There's just no point in that. I can't believe you said that. Did that's not right. Rather this is that's happening. Opening our eyes that's happening. What's showing up. What keeps showing up. What's repeating. Where are my playing out in that. And that's that's a bigger conversation but that's the beginnings of the drama coming down. And managing ourselves self-regulation going up.
E: Yeah. You have to free yourselves up to make some different choices.
S: Perfect response.
E: Yeah try something different.
S: What you said is key to expand on that when we can do that to some degree or any degree. We fill up. We free the ram. Yeah the broad the broad the width that we have access to gets bigger because now it's not about what's happening. I'm surprised I didn't you know what happened. I don't know what happened it's okay that patterns pretty well as it's been. Yeah. Now we're a bit freer to start thinking more clearly and responding rather than the emotional activity. Yeah. And that. Man We need to have a level head a lot of the time there is a time to be playful irreverent and out of balance. There is a time to be level headed and recognizing the difference is a pattern. But if we don't get clear about the two way across contextually doing this things are out of whack. People don't know how to respond to us. There's instability there's drama. We wonder why there's emotional activity.
S: There is a time to have out shit to get there and there's a time it's okay not to. And knowing the difference and being appropriate around that. That's some big part of wisdom.
E: Yeah. And creating that space. So. As we go about creating some of that space where we have a little bit more stability and. We have. Maybe more choice or freedom around what we want to create how we go about finding installing the right values or having the right standards bring consistency to that. Well you know there's a wonderful idea of each half that's called heirachy of priorities. Yeah I'd love to hear more about that.
S: Yeah. So wisdom also as you recognize wisdom and strategies wisdom in pattern recognition and wisdom in hierarchy of priorities. So the original question being answered is how do I get less drama in my life. Basically if you want less drama have a hierarchy of priorities. So what is the most important to the least important. And live accordingly without exception. Don't trade them. On for convenience. Don't trade them because doesn't suit you. Don't trade them because you've got a good justification inserted here because you're the you've got the righteousness and the upset or whatever it's their priorities and that's what you live. So priority is to be emotionally present to someone. Mobile phone goes away. It's that simple. You want to get less drama. It's that because the mobile phone out on the table face up is communicate to this person you claim you want to be present too but that could be more important part is just shifted. I know where I sit. Yes. So you know they're all with us. Phones go away. The first person to look at it picks up the tab. I love that but really it's a sign of respect. Yeah. Yeah. I said I'm going to be emotionally present. That is the priority. It would be convenient right now to look at the phone so I can hear it feel it whatever going off. But I committed to this priority living that is creating a moment of truth to this person that is beyond value. It can't be priced. It's those moments. It's. I said I would be on time to the blah. That's it. Yeah you're on time now. Stuff happens. Absolutely. Be apologetic. But if the patterns they go back to patterns it's you you're the constant. Get there early whatever it is. It's those the little moments the Micro Moments. So it's really about figuring out well what is the priority here. To myself and welcome him so I made to others and then being true to that. Now that has so many ripple effects of wonder it's so important. The moment we prioritize and leave those priorities everyone around us can come if down drama drops. You become the person where people say I trust you because there is a consistency there that people can count on you want to hear that you want to hear in your relationships. I can count on you. That's the feedback. People should strive to get it could be you inspire me. You make me laugh and but all the wonderful wonderful. I can count on you because that stability that's I am knowing I can handle it. Yeah. There aren't lots of exceptions so the more exceptions we have for our priorities the lower the quality of our lives. So quality of life is dropping for us and those around us who are in our lives and therefore need to rely on us to some or a lot extent. And the closer they get the more they need to rely on us the lower. We do this. The more of a mess these relationships become so the key is get the priorities not the should the masts. Yeah. And then put them in sequence and then live them enough that others can stop breathing out. Yeah. I can count on them. So. For example someone in my life not in Melbourne I wouldn't count on them pretty well for anything because they'll make it about them. There'll be dramatic about it. They'll make noise about it. They'll make a fuss about it and then get defensive when I say. But you said you'd do it. So trust is low. Priorities are non-existent. Yeah that is really creating a barrier to an emotionally secure relationship. It can exist in that space. So if you look at your relationships and you see low levels of emotional security so you don't feel safe you people and people don't feel safe with you. That's why. Because your hierarchy is messed up.
E: The clarity of that.
S: It's messed up and for most people it is the complete lack of clarity. So hierarchy in this hurricane business. So what's the most important thing in business it's the people. So I have a model as you know will use the critical alignment model in people's last y because we've got to take care of these three things so they're the most important thing because we don't take care of those three things they have a really shit is it. That's a hierarchy we must take care of the environment we must take care of the standards and the structure we must take care of what it is we do here and how we do it and that frees people to shine and be their best without any impediments. That's a hierarchy that's a priority. Then there's the priorities we bring to our lifestyle. How much time and effort we put into health not how much time and effort we wish we did know we should could wished talk about study but literally do. And that gives people around us a sense of stability. I know this person and this person knows themselves. And it's calming and it's. Anti drama. Yeah and it's freeing. And suddenly the Rams free. There's a lot more. Bandwidth here for things that matter they're going to move our relationship closer stronger deeper and go going all interesting tunnels you can go in because we're not navigating negotiating and bitching about you didn't put out the trash. Yes. Yeah. We're not doing that. We're free for the stuff that matters really. And that's a gift.
E: Completely because then it becomes entirely about the things that matter to us.
E: And no longer about the little triggers that side drama.
S: Yeah. And you didn't. And you said you would. And then you go back to self-awareness. You said you put out the trash and it's to say you've got cognitive dissonance. You're the person who can't be counted on. So you're gonna be defensive about that. We just taken up all our bandwidth on arguing about something that if you'd had a property and lived it would never been discussed. And I could just counter it. No it's done. It's a song that sung beautifully by you. I'm just in how many and we get to read the stuff that matters but no time got filled with and you would put it. I know you with it not you but times filled with this person our speech in about well you didn't remind me also now I'm your mother and so it goes. No we never get should read some stuff that counts and brings us closer together because I think time doesn't always strengthen relationships it diminishes them when these priorities are traded enough and we take people for granted in business or in private the same it's the same thing. The more we get familiar with someone the more we think we can trade this stuff. What the opposite is true. It's the other way around. The closer we are the more we need to count on each other and have high trust the more this is gonna matter because you know what we've been around for this long together and still I want to show you this matters and that keeps everything in honeymoon that keeps everything all the best of the honeymoon not all the chemical bullshit but the the good of the honeymoon the commitment and the desire to be at my best. The desire for me to have you see me at my best the desire for you to respect me and understand me and and vice versa. That happens when we have a heirachy. We can have a hierarchy do the same and wealth creation and what you're ready to invest in my hierarchy of investment and she's not investment advice in any way but low priority on share investment. Why. I know nothing. Do I have wisdom. Hell no. Will I intend to get wisdom. No. Do I understand. No. Do I think that it's kind of a fixed race and I'm the last to the party. Yes. It's way down our parties high my party business investments. Why. I have wisdom there. I understand how it works where I don't understand. I don't. Makes it really simple. And there are other criteria have however in investing. But as long as I have that criteria and I stick to it I do well when I don't stick to it. I don't do so well. And. Bitcoin would be a great example of that. I'm one of the fleeced sheep I am, I just am. I know that because of the way I did not leave my priorities and it's the same with health. And then you combine it all yeah. So where does family sit where does business sit where does other… All the relationships and friendships. What is adventure set adventures. It's quite high for me. So you get this priority and then you just put it all together and that becomes your life.
E:Yeah. I would love to know. I'm sure so many of the listeners would be dying to know what what are the priorities for you when it comes to life. What are your guidelines. What are the values.
S: So every year I work out a theme that I'm going to live and I don't disclose the thing that's that's mine. And then I just rain check probably weekly if I'm living that thing. And so far this year I am. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you I appreciate that. Then I have my values. So my values remain update it a little bit this year but generally they remain the same so my top value is it contains with love and health and vitality. I'm really happy that they don't have a clear distinct first and second. I want to experience love on a consistent basis but I know if I don't have health and vitality this is compromise so health and vitality and love then wisdom playfulness adventure. And challenges in there. Then acceptance which is a new one this year. So a lot more of acceptance. I don't know that that's. Living as well as fully expressed as I could. But I know how to yet. So I need to get more strategy so I'm reading and learning on strategies for that and I'll upgrade the pattern and I'll go in the hierarchy. So there's that. And then each year what I do I have my diary with me. It's around here somewhere. I think it's just over there. So I am still learning and what it's got my name on it. So what I do. Is at the beginning of each year. I write out what my main purposes are. And then I revisit this every time I enter my diary and I write in this diary twice a month so twice a month. Loving this moment feeling grateful in this moment knowing this experience is what my consciousness needs and so on. And then finally some stuff that I want to have happen. So based on your book awesome health and that's not in sequence but stuff like that. And then what I do is I create pitches around it every year I've done this for 20 years or 17 years. I write out the major quotes that are lived by I've got my values they love health vitality wisdom. And as we discussed and I just do that every year and I come back to it constantly and that's my hierarchy and it's a habit. So whatever is a habit is going to be your life. Yeah. So if you want to know what your life's looking like look at your habits. Yeah. So if someone's got an addiction that's your life. If you've got the occasional like tonight my husband I going out for dinner I'm gonna have some bad habits tonight. I know that I know and have a glass of wine but is it something I you know it's so rare. So I know ultimately I have health and vitality because a lot of this stuff I do consciously and consistently great stuff for health and every now and again the rules don't apply. Oh wow. So. So then if we're living that or attempting to come back to that baseline if that becomes our baseline drama free there's consistency we can count on ourselves how those can count on us and we attract what I call centered people into our lives who we can count on as well as a whole. Whole conversation to be had about how to do that. But these are the beginnings This is planting the seeds. And what it does is it creates. Freedom in your brain. So I've sorted out I've got my health habits. I've got my relationship habits I've got my wealth habits I've got my. Work habits that frees me to go beyond that and to explore and to make progress and to adapt. And update. UPDATE The Matrix. And so there's this updating happens because I understand my baseline now and that's the consistency constantly. Someone said to me once. I thought were there Yeah but now we're there there's an X there's another level like why would you ever want to arrive as another level. And that's not true in all are as in some areas. Arrival is fine but in terms of the errors that need to progress. Deeper emotional connection. Deeper experiences of ourselves how we want to experience ourselves in terms of the world that needs to update or become state and boring and stagnant. So that's a constant updating process and that's how I do it. I do it through strategies. Recognizing the patterns and the strategies getting a hierarchy of priorities of all of these strategies. And where I can and where I'm aware given the flux in the mess that is the human experience and what do I know. And then attempting best I can to live that. Looking for feedback on how I'm going living that. Based on unconscious feedback or deliberate feedback from the world from people to myself. However a book I wrote thinking well I'm not doing that only yesterday I said JP they said such and such in a podcast. Yeah I heard that too. Yeah. We need to do that. That's really good. And then updating and then reapplying go into the world. Is this helping me where we all began with less drama. More calm. More compassion more inclusion a feeling that I can be counted on and I can count on the people in my world where there's emotional depth emotional richness emotional intimacy where I'm having the experience I want to have. And there is stability. That that's the base from which we can launch into the world. Yeah that's the minimum. That's the minimum to go for I have just described in two podcasts the minimum. To go for from which we can then launch. But anything less than that. And it's it's a crap shoot. It really is it's it's hit and miss at best.
S: And we're we're in the flux window. Battering the pinball game. Are being hit again. We've got to react to that. Oh how am I gonna react to that. Like we didn't know from the last 10 times.
E: What a wonderful foundation that is to create the space for us. To start living our awesome life.
S: Yeah. Thank you that’s generous of you. It was fun. It was awesome.
E: Thank you so much.
S: You're welcome.