Join Sharon and Glam as they discuss the difference between self – care and self-love, how critical healthy boundaries are to leading a life where you find yourself lovable, and how you can reclaim these boundaries which we all knew intuitively at one point in our lives.
KEY TOPICS AND TIME STAMPS:
0.24 Glam: One of the things that you hear so much these days is the whole idea of loving yourself, and a lot of people are having a go of it, but it’s a tough thing.
· Well self-care and self-love are two different things
· So self-care is for example, having a bath. That’s not self-love
· Because I can remember having a bath and saying, “do I love myself yet”
· And no matter how beautiful the experience looked and was and seemed to be, if on the inside I don’t know myself, I don’t find myself lovable, it really didn't matter how good the bath was
· Glam: So how do you choose self-love then, what’s the first step to take?
· Well everyone’s steps are different, but one thing to be considering is how you treat yourself. So my favourite saying on this topic is we need to treat ourselves as we wished our parents had when we were kids
· So we need to speak with ourselves, be with ourselves, encourage ourselves, champion ourselves, nurture ourselves, support ourselves, demand of ourselves the way we wished it had been when we were younger
· So example, if I had a view when I was a kid that was contrary to my dad's, most of the time the message was driven home, I was wrong. I have to ask myself how did I want to be parented looking back as an adult. If I had a different view I should to be encouraged and acknowledged. I wanted to share a diet coke while we brainstormed it and yeah he would suggest a book. I have this whole ideal fantasy on how that could have been. I do that for me
7.10 We are raised generally to not know healthy boundaries, not to know that what we think can be differentiated from what our big people think and what they think can be differentiated from what we think what we think
· So there are some basic things you look at if you're not clear in your childhood where you would have liked to have gone in a different direction. You can go into also the emotions you're led towards having and the needs that were met. But the basics to look at are values alignment and misalignment: thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and expectations, and how they were meant to be taken on board by you. Then ask yourself now is that what I really think, feel, perceive or expect of my world and myself and where there's that difference, start ripping
16.16 I’d dive into the chapter on boundaries at this point and really just start unpacking this
· Ask yourself where am I living this and what parts of this can I reclaim. Its just reclamation. We did this before we started picking up on the messages from the big people
· So it's in us it's more just let's nurture it until it comes alive again
· I’ve been noticing how I am different with people now and how they're different with me and me spotting people who have an awareness of their boundaries and people who don't
· A really simple example is narcissistic listening so I might say to a friend I’ve been doing Pilates, and a narcissistic listener, someone who’s not clear on healthy boundaries will say “I heard that’s really good” and then change the subject
· My response these days is “Yeah now I’m going to give you my experience”
· Because I’m expressing self-love
OTHER RESOURCES:
· Ultimate You Book - https://tci.rocks/order-ultimate-you
· Ultimate You Quest Telecast - www.ultimateyouquest.com
· Upcoming Events at The Coaching Institute - www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au/trainings
· Sharon’s New Website - www.sharonpearson.com
· Disruptive Leadership- https://www.disruptiveleading.com/
· Phone The Coaching Institute - 1800 094 927
· The Coaching Institute Fan Page – https://www.facebook.com/BecomeALifeCoach
· Feedback/Reviews/Suggest a top to be discussed - perspectives@sharonpearson.com
· Perspectives YouTube Channel – https://www.tci.rocks/youtube